goddamn it all just waiting for the end
wailing like a banshee bitch
unable to gnaw the thread of time
fifteen forever
intestines knotted up like twigs in wilderness hair
shaven around the wounds
but otherwise grotesque.
a rabid beast speaking ancient tongues
unable to get the words out to you.
destined to be unloved,
your saint
your not good enough
your perfect nothing
the fork in the road leading south you travel on so long
not in your thoughts of curdling milk on the kitchen table
I thought we’d eat together one night
I’d stand with my back to you feeling the heat of the stove graze my fingertips
like the shower streams blossoming boils along my bulging flesh
I’m privy to say I like me best this way
when my tears seem to make you stay
my howls making me the trouble you seek
and not the damaged act you tolerate
standing on the empty stage
spotlight hitting me
I could vomit blood
I am so hungry
a swollen tongue raspberry red needing flesh to taste to know it’s still there
needing a beating heart
so monstrous an act but so loving the intention
to bind in bile forever.
God I’m so lonely
when will I reach the wandering eyes of someone who can try to want me?
I have so much love to give
can’t you give it a chance
I picked these awful fruits for you
won’t you taste them
won’t you touch me
I know I’ve frightened you before
but you can close your eyes this time
as long as I’m your beggar girl
dirty and tired from grasping at nothings.
crucifixion is a bitch
but I’ll bury us both here.